How to talk to your son or daughter

When your son or daughter receives a diagnosis of ADHD, autism, or another neurodivergent condition, one of the first questions that arises is: How do I explain it? When? With what words?

There's no perfect answer. But there are some keys that can help you have that conversation in a way that reinforces their self-esteem instead of damaging it.

First: Work on your own narrative

Before talking to your son or daughter, you need to have a clear narrative about the diagnosis yourself. If you view it as a tragedy, they will feel the same way. If you frame it as useful information about how their brain works, they can do the same.

The diagnosis doesn't change who your child is. It just adds context.

At what age should you talk about the diagnosis?

There is no minimum age. Most experts recommend adapting the explanation from the beginning — even for young children. The sooner they normalize that their brain works differently, the less time they will spend wondering why things are harder for them than for others.

How to explain it by age

3–6 years old

Use simple metaphors: 'Your brain is like a race car engine — very fast and powerful, but sometimes it needs special tracks to go in the right direction.' Or: 'All brains are different, like flowers — no one is better than another.'

7–11 years old

You can be more direct and explain that they have ADHD or autism, what it means, and what things can help them. Emphasize strengths as much or more than difficulties.

12 years and up

Teenagers can and should understand their diagnosis in more depth. Share resources, involve them in decisions about support, and validate their emotional experience — which may include relief, sadness, or anger.

Words that help — and words that harm

Use:

• 'Your brain works differently — and that has very good things and some more difficult ones'
• 'ADHD/autism explains why certain things are hard for you — it's not because you're clumsy'
• 'There are tools that can help you a lot'

Avoid:

• 'You have a problem'
• 'Because of ADHD/autism...'
• 'I wish you didn't have this'

The diagnosis as a starting point

A well-communicated diagnosis can be the beginning of a different relationship with oneself. Of understanding that difficulties have a reason. Of seeking support without guilt.

At Neuromart, we have products that can be part of that new beginning — tools that make everyday life easier for neurodivergent children and families.